Staying in the Shadows
by Faerie Nyx
Summary: Tells the tale of Sirius and Remus throughout PoA. RLSB slash.
1. Chapter 1

Staying in the Shadows

By Faerie Nyx

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Sucks doesn't it?

A/N: Slash… Takes place throughout the Prisoner of Azkaban… Not necessarily completely accurate… I'm just going where my muses tell me to.

* * *

Padfoot sat crouched under the tree that had once been the Marauders' favorite place for prank planning, beside the dorm of course. The shadows were thick, lending him cover in the dull grey of dusk. 

He had gotten onto Hogwarts grounds in his animagus form and had stayed that way for safety reasons. No reason to draw dementors to him when he had just gotten this far. He sat maybe another hour before the carriages showed through the edge of the forest.

It was complete darkness as Padfoot crawled to the long shadows created by the illuminated castle. He changed back from Padfoot's form and sat huddled in the grass.

Sirius looked upon the steps from the darkened shadows of the castle. He felt the first smile in years touch his face as Remus stepped from one of the Hogwarts carriages. He wanted to run to him, wrap the man in his arms and beg for forgiveness, for both not telling him the truth twelve years ago about who had really been the Potters' secret keeper and leaving him alone for one hundred forty-six plus full moons.

He caught himself from actually running to him as he watched Remus walk up to a couple of the students. Their faces struck a cord in him; exactly like James and Malfoy. Remus separated them; as though they were figments of a distant past, the two teens were just the same. It wasn't surprising how identical they were – the past and the present. He smiled again, wishing to be back in that time, when their only problems were whether or not their pranks against Slytherins would work.

Remus turned in his direction and for a moment Sirius believed he had been seen, but Remus just turned away and walked up the front steps behind the large mess of students. Letting out a breath he hadn't known he'd held, he changed back to Padfoot and made off for the Whomping Willow. He could easily stay there without any major problems; it was a good place to hide and he doubted he'd have any encounters with the dementors.

* * *

Remus smiled sadly after Lucius Malfoy's son. Draco was so much like his father; the exchange was like it had been between Lucius and James years back. Sighing, he looked out over the grounds. The wind blew from the lake in the south and something caught his attention. He could smell the tang of sweat and the scent of dog. Oddly, though, the sweat was the heady, masculine scent of a human. The combination drew his thoughts to a certain escaped convict. 

He let his gaze drift over to the tree he had spent so much time under. He could remember the multiple times he had forced Sirius and James to study for their year-end finals. He could remember providing his three friends with ways to improve their prank plans so they would not only be easier but also safer. He smiled for a moment, remembering the late night rendezvous when Sirius would drag him down to the tree, tempting him along the way with his favorite kinds of chocolate. He swallowed and wished to be back then. He wished he could taste Sirius on his lips and Sirius' fingers against his skin again. He wished he could be in Sirius' arms, even for just a moment. Convict or not, he still loved Sirius. The years they'd been apart hadn't changed it, no matter how hard he had tried to make it go away. Sirius was his – Moony's – mate. Nothing could change that. It could only be suppressed.

He turned back toward the caste and followed the student body up the front steps. He heard the thump of paws against the moist ground and turned back at the top of the steps. He searched the grounds again; that's when he saw it. It looked as though a dark form was making off in the direction of the Whomping Willow, though it could've been the shadows from the movements before lit windows. He swallowed hoping it was the second and walked into the castle, closing the large front doors behind him.

It couldn't have been him. He wouldn't come this close to the castle. Dementors were all over the bloody place; how would he get past them?

* * *

A/N: Leave a review at the door. I'd love to know if you like where I'm going with this. If it keeps going as I think it might, I'll be taking **Innocence** down and incorporating that into the plot of this one. 


	2. Chapter 2

Staying in the Shadows

By Faerie Nyx

Disclaimer: Nothing – that's what belongs to me. Quotes are right out of the book, so there. :sticks tongue out:

A/N: Thanks so much for all your encouragement to continue. I'm trying to make this work as smoothly as possible so I'm rereading PoA and marking pages I can work with. Of course there's slash and one sneaky Sirius.

* * *

He had spent most of the previous night curled up in the upstairs bedroom of the Shrieking Shack. He had only left once to dig through the trashcans of Hogsmeade. For the first time in weeks he hadn't eaten rats. It had been a good night, or rather better than most. 

Climbing up from the tunnel, he stuck the knot on the Whomping Willow's trunk with a paw before making his way towards the lake. The fresh air was almost intoxicating to him; after twelve years in his cell in Azkaban anything was intoxicating. He crept down the path towards the groundskeeper's hut, the damp grass feeling good against his sore paws. It was shortly before lunch and he felt in the mood to do some sort of hunting in the woods beyond the paddocks. When he had been in school, Hagrid had only started his training. The old groundskeeper had been meaning to retire for at least five years and at the wish of Dumbledore, he took Hagrid under his wing. That had been in his last year at Hogwarts.

As he moved past the small cottage, he took one of the smaller pumpkins growing there in his mouth and moved on to the paddock. He could smell it before he could see it. There was the distinct scent of wet feathers that was unlike any bird he could think of and as he entered the paddock he met the orange eyes of one creature. It took him a moment to realize they were hippogriffs and he dropped his muzzle to the ground. A second later the nearest hippogriff bowed his head and Padfoot crept forward, touching his nose to its beak.

He heard the collected pounding of feet on moist dirt. A class was coming. He ran past the hippogriff to the back of the paddock and slipped between the trees. He watched as Hagrid, followed by a group of Gryffindor and Slytherin students entered the clearing. He recognized a redhead boy as the one who had had Wormtail on his shoulder that picture from the Daily Prophet. Next to him was the spitting image of James again. Harry looked so much like James, but… he had Lily's eyes. He remembered those eyes glaring at him and James as they planned prank after prank in the common room. And when Lily became a Gryffindor Prefect they had to retreat to the dormitory… only to be bombarded by Moony.

"Everyone gather 'round the fence here! That's it – make sure yeh can see – now firs' thing yeh'll want ter do is open yer books –"

Padfoot sat back on his haunches, his stolen pumpkin at his feet. The class would be good entertainment; he always did enjoy Care of Magical Creatures. He could also watch Harry. He hadn't been able to do that since the boy was an infant. Such a cute baby, too. Had everything… if it had been a perfect world where James and Lily still lived, where Peter never betrayed them, where Voldemort was unheard of, and where Remus lay in his arms each night… that kid would've been spoiled and corrupted to the Marauders' ways so early in life.

He watched as Harry, albeit cautiously, walked up to the hippogriff, Buckbeak as Hagrid called him, and bowed. The kid was doing pretty well; had he gone up to Buckbeak as a human he'd probably be trampled. He never was good with animals; no that was Moony's area of expertise. Along with DADA, but they were all pretty good at that. He smiled as much as a dog could when Harry climbed onto Buckbeak's back, taking off into the sky. That would be a fun experience.

Soon after Harry landed, the young Malfoy walked over to Buckbeak. That boy looked like an accident waiting to happen, and he was.

"…I bet you're not dangerous at all, are you? Are you, you great ugly brute?"

Whining softly, he put his muzzle to the moist dirt as Buckbeak screeched and lashed out at the boy. That wouldn't – couldn't – be good. He felt sorry though he was in no way at fault. Malfoy would do whatever he could to Hagrid for that. Bloody git, he was. Back in school he had tried to get Remus kicked out when he found out… about Moony. It took Dumbledore over a year to get him to back off, and that was before the whole thing with Snape. Could he have gotten any more idiotic? He could barely remember why he'd done that, and it was a stupid reason as well. He'd snapped; sick of threats made to Remus, sick of a sneaky Snivellus trying to follow them around everywhere and overhear something. It had to be the worst – no the second worst thing he'd done. The first, he thought, was rather obvious. People were actually dead because of that one; James and Lily were dead, innocent Muggles were dead. Bloody git, that Malfoy.

He watched as the class was led away by Hagrid with the young Malfoy in his arms. He crept out of the tree line, stopping at Buckbeak's side. Orange eyes stared at him a moment before the hippogriff walked to the back of the paddock for a second. He returned with something hanging from his beak. The orange eyes swiveled to his abdomen before Buckbeak dropped his load; a rabbit. Apparently he was too thin for the hippogriff. And his stomach wasn't disagreeing. He tore into it; it tasted so much better than rat. A moment later and he had the pumpkin back in his mouth on his way back to the Whomping Willow.

At least he wouldn't be going hungry.

* * *

A/N: I know I probably said somewhere that I didn't have internet this week, but I managed to work around that and thought someone might want to read this. Oh, and please do review on your way out. 


	3. Chapter 3

Staying in the Shadows

By Faerie Nyx

Disclaimer: Someone buy me them, I beg of you…… Again, quotes straight from the book.

A/N: Slash, reminiscing Remus, etc. _lilyseyes27_: I know Hagrid is older than the Marauders, I merely meant that he waited a few years before training to become Hogwarts' groundskeeper. Sorry for the confusion. _InsanePirate_: Sorry, I think I just like the look of italics, and _KittyKMae_, you made some excellent points about it. Actually I believe you are the most objective reviewer I've had and I appreciate it. You have a good point about Lucius, but I thought that he could be a few years ahead of them and just a normal pain-in-the-ass for them. But then again, my thoughts aren't the same as everyone else's. _carpe-nox-sulum-nox_: You know when you read something over so many times you start to miss the little things? That's probably what happened; sorry. As for how I got internet access… I ditched my dad's house during the day for my mum's where I could get online. There are advantages to having your (divorced) parents live close to one another.

* * *

He let his gaze fall on the wardrobe one last time. The staffroom was completely empty except for Snape, who was reading in one of his many potions books and glaring at him out of the corner of his eye. Why couldn't the man just let bygones be bygones, and admit that he was better suited than him at the DADA position? Remus sighed, and left the room. He was probably already late for his first lesson with Harry's class. 

The more and more he thought on the boggart, the more worried he became. He remembered when he'd found one of the nasty things in the closet of his old London flat the Christmas after James and Lily's deaths. He remembered even better what—or rather who—it had turned into. He hoped that wouldn't happen again. Snape had already cornered him saying that it was rather coincidental that Sirius had broken out of Azkaban at the same time he had gotten the DADA position. It certainly wouldn't do to have Sirius step out of that wardrobe in the staffroom. How would he explain something like that? He let his thoughts drift to that one time.

Sirius had stepped out of the closet, spurting '_I love you_'s and '_It wasn't me, I'm innocent_'s. He had been his lover as much as ever… and as caring as ever, kissing every tear away. It wasn't that he feared Sirius, no. He just feared he'd believe anything that would come out of that delectable mouth, do anything it said… anything just to feel those arms around him once again. He feared he could be manipulated so easily by someone who had killed his closest friends. He feared he wouldn't be able to stop him if he tried to hurt Harry.

That's why he hoped it would turn into a full moon if the need came.

He entered the classroom and the chattering silenced almost immediately. He smiled as he walked to the front to place his briefcase on the desk.

"Good afternoon," he said. "Would you please put all your books back in your bags. Today's will be a practical lesson. You will need only your wands." When the class packed everything away and had their wands in hand, he continued, "Right then. If you'd follow me."

He left the classroom, his class following close behind as they walked down an empty hallway and around a corner. At the sight of Peeves, he held his breath. Maybe… maybe the annoying little poltergeist would for once be quiet, and not —

"Loony, loopy Lupin, loony, loopy Lupin, loony, loopy Lupin —"

Remus suppressed the cringe his mind wanted his body to make and stuck with a smile. Some things never do change. It was like Peeves wanted to get a rise out of him, as he did in his school days. What did the little bugger have against werewolves? He swallowed at his next thought; did Dumbledore tell Peeves to not breathe a word about him? He felt eyes on him; the class seemed to be expecting something… probably a reaction. After twenty years he still was rather used to Peeves' antics. "I'd take that gum out of the keyhole if I were you, Peeves. Mr. Filch won't be able to get in to his brooms." He allowed himself to sigh and roll his eyes when the little bugger blew him a raspberry. He smiled at the spell that had just remembered; the class would probably like it. "This is a useful little spell. Please watch closely." He raised his wand to point it at Peeves. "Waddiwasi!" He was tempted to chuckle at the image of the wad of gum up Peeves' nose as he left cursing obscenely. Little bugger would have one hell of a time getting that gum out.

Out of the corner of his eye, Dean Thomas grinned widely. "Cool, sir."

He thanked him and called for the class to proceed. When they reached the staffroom door, he ushered them in. He whispered one last prayer before entering himself. Don't turn into Sirius… or at least not in class.

* * *

A/N: Tada, I updated! Now review on your way out. 


	4. Chapter 4

Staying in the Shadows

By Faerie Nyx

Disclaimer: Borrowed without permission, but with every intention of returning them… eventually. :.:blows a raspberry:.: So there.

A/N: 'Gingercat' is Crookshanks. Sirius doesn't learn his name until the end of the book, so I'm stating that now before I get reviews about it. Also, I'd answer reviews, but I'm not allowed to. :.:shrugs:.: Maybe I'll email my answers, but thanks to all if I don't get around to it.

* * *

It wasn't long before Sirius met him, the ginger feline belonging to a girl in Gryffindor. He certainly was a smart cat, recognizing him as an animagus when he crossed the grounds one night at the beginning of October. It took him a while to get the cat to open up to him, tell him things. That was of course after he started to trust him. Tricky, animals like that. They may recognize the animagi spell, but that wouldn't mean automatic trust. Humans… wizards… it didn't make a difference. You still have to earn trust. 

It took much convincing, but eventually he got Gingercat to his side… as much as a cat could be on his side. He'd even tried bringing Peter to Sirius. Smart cat, indeed. Twelve years as a rat and he was still recognized for what he was. When attempt after attempt failed, bringing Peter to him, Gingercat started on other tactics. He'd search the dormitories and bring down passwords for the Tower. Who ever was writing them down he'd have to thank somehow. Better to do it when he wasn't an escaped convict, though. He didn't want to scare the poor kid.

When Gingercat told him Peter faked his death by getting blood on his owner's sheet, Sirius feared the worst. What if he'd made a run for it? Bloody bastard, but when Gingercat searched the castle he caught scent of Peter again. He hadn't left, or at least not yet. He still had a chance… to make it all right again; to make amends with James' son for not being there; for leaving him with those muggle relatives of Lily's. He'd had the displeasure of meeting her sister, Peony… no, wait… Petunia, when James and he had gone to visit the summer before seventh year. He shuddered at the thought of that woman raising Harry. Not a pretty picture.

With one of the passwords from Gingercat, Sirius crept along the shadows of the corridor. Luckily, the occupant in the only portrait in this hallway had yet to see his approach. No alarm would be sounded, or at least not yet. Taking one last deep breath, he stood and habitually smoothed out his tattered prison robes before walking to the portrait.

"Fortuna Major." His voice was sore from disuse, but when the Fat Lady stirred he knew he'd been heard. All he prayed for was not being given a once over.

The Fat Lady blinked awake and took in Sirius' ragged form. "Who are you?"

Sirius winced at the question and clenched his fists. "I've said the bloody password, let me in." His only thoughts were getting into the tower and not being recognized by the portrait. Unfortunately he'd been on rather good terms with her during his school days; good enough terms to not need a password. What were the chances he _wouldn't_ be recognized? Pretty slim with this painting…

"Si…Sirius Black!"

…and didn't she just have to have a prefect memory. She probably recognized his voice before she recognized him. He would've blamed her for it; if he had a mirror, he didn't know if even _he_ would recognize himself. "You have to let me in!" Sirius swallowed, praying she wouldn't do what he thought she might do.

"Sirius Black is here! Someone, help! It's Sirius Black!"

She just had to do that. He pulled out the wand he'd recently nicked from someone in a dark back alley. "Silencio!" He sighed as her voice died. It only took her a moment to realize it was hopeless to scream for others in silence. Giving up, she turned to him with an upturned nose and refused to meet his eyes. "Thank you. Now I really need to get in there. Please let me in."

The Fat Lady shook her head 'no' sharply.

"Please, Lady." Here he was, only a few strides and a staircase away from his query, and he was forced to beg a portrait for entrance.

She shook her head violently. She still didn't meet his eyes.

Not even a portrait could look at him. He couldn't see his godson face to face. He couldn't hold Remus late at night to ward off the bitter night cold and the even worse nightmares. He was good as dead and the dead had no need for manners, no need to keep everything bottled inside. "Damn it; let me in!" Sirius couldn't stop himself from slashing the portrait as he turned into Padfoot in his rage. He turned and ran.

* * *

A/N: Sorry it has been so long. I'm attempting to get myself into a routine… it isn't working. So instead of that lovely thing called a routine, I write… and then wait for reviews because I love them. For those reading other stories of mine, I have no idea on an update date. The next chapters for **Doing Nothing** and** In Dreams** are nowhere near finished (more like barely started), and the next chapter for **Utter Fiction** is being utterly evil and stubborn. 


	5. Chapter 5

Staying in the Shadows

By Faerie Nyx

Disclaimer: I own nothing… except the dialogue last chapter. Amazing, right? Me owning dialogue? Damn, how did that happen? Well it happened again this chapter.

A/N: Hmm… let's see. I want to remind you that Sirius is Padfoot in the first two paragraphs. Don't want to confuse you, do I? What else… I know that according to the book Remus' office isn't where I say it is. Forgive me and don't bitch over such a trivial thing. I know I'm wrong, get over it. I put it where I put it for convenience. Now that that's over and done with let's get on to the story.

Oh yes, and there's slash. Moving on…

* * *

When Sirius ran, he hadn't paid any heed to the direction he was traveling. He just ran. Eventually he did stop, but not because he was trying to figure out where he was; no, he stopped because he could smell him. He could smell Remus. Despite his best judgment and interests in staying alive, he followed the light chocolate and musty text scent. He didn't pass any portraits as he followed it, much to his relief. He came to the DADA classroom; the smell was stronger teasing him, coaxing him to see his long missed mate. Entering through the slightly ajar door, he looked about. At least Remus wasn't in this room, probably in the office since the scent was rather fresh. 

He passed the rows of tables and stools. Coming to the front, he looked over the orderly desk. Remus was always the neat Marauder and Sirius was surprised that even though they had polar opposite personalities they were as close as they were. Not that they would ever be that close again if he didn't clear his name. He crept past the desk and to the small staircase up to the office. Panic set in at the door; he heard voices within. As he looked through the slit where the door hadn't fully closed, he returned to his human form and held back a gasp. He could see… himself… within. What was…?

"Riddikulus."

A boggart… Remus' worst fear was him. The spell didn't seem to work and the boggart Sirius closed the distance between him and Remus. It reached up, tracing Remus' jaw with one finger. "Now, now Moony; you don't want to hurt me, do you?"

He watched Remus roughly knock the hand away. "That's _exactly_ what I want to do." He stepped back, his hand still clenched around his wand. When the boggart stepped forward to compensate, he backed up again; until he was pinned to the wall.

"If you wanted to hurt me the spell would've worked. Come on, Moony. What are you afraid of?"

"You're the boggart, shouldn't you know?"

The boggart Sirius smirked. "You're afraid of coming across me. You're afraid that if you just happen to catch me, you won't be able to hurt me, be that by turning me in or exacting revenge yourself. You still love me and you can't let that go."

"I do not!" Remus pushed it towards the trunk he'd kept it in. "Now sod off, I don't have time for this." He turned his back on it to sort some papers on his desk.

The boggart turned towards the trunk, but first met Sirius' eyes through the cracked door. It climbed into the open trunk, the lid falling shut. Sirius heard a shaky exhale from Remus but entered the office anyway. He looked about the room and as he closed the door, decided he'd sit on the small sofa. He'd only have to move a couple stacks of books. When he got the last pile to the floor, he sat up to meet amber eyes. His breath caught.

"I thought I told you to sod off."

Sirius refrained from shuddering at the cold voice and took the boggart's slightly teasing tone. "Beggars can't be choosers, love."

"Don't call me that." Remus stepped closer, menacingly. His fists clenched, ready to strike though Sirius was sure he wouldn't. The boggart's words had assured him of it. And he wouldn't take advantage of it further than just being near Remus.

"What? Love? I thought we went over this; you… still… love me. Got it?"

"No I—"

Forget not taking advantage of the situation. Sirius growled softly before yanking Remus' face forward by the hand he'd slid into tawny hair and pressing their lips together. Yes, there still was some spark in him, and just touching Remus made it ablaze. Kissing him? It was too good to be true. He traced Remus' lower lip with his tongue, begging for entrance rather than just taking it. No need to make Remus too furious; he might figure out the truth. Instead of opening for him, Remus worked his way into Sirius' mouth. He allowed it; any touch was fine and with Remus instigating it he knew it was allowed.

Remus pulled back, his breath faster now. He lifted a hand to brush over Sirius' matted hair. "I…" His breath caught and arms guided him to sit on Sirius' lap, cradling him from the world of logic that told him this was fake. This was just a boggart working with his fears. Teasing him until he didn't know which way was up.

"What is it, love?" Sirius let his arms loosely circle Remus' waist, drawing intricate patterns on his lower back.

Remus leaned forward, resting his forehead to Sirius' shoulder. Into the nap of his neck, he whispered, "I'm sorry."

"So am I."

* * *

A/N: So… despite the fact that we aren't yet to Snape teaching the DADA class about werewolves, do you like how this is going? I hope so. I don't know when the next update will be; I really need to work on my other stories that have probably been sitting there for… hm… maybe a month. Yeah… reviews are much appreciated, so don't forget to do that. 


End file.
